The struggle is not day to day, folks. Oh no…we should be so lucky. The struggle is moment to moment.
Literally, one moment I can be like freaking Mary Poppins paying equal attention to both my boys, creating beautiful memories in a clean house, with well-behaved dogs, and dinner prep complete all before 9am.
And in the very next moment I’m all…
And you know Social Media only shows us Mary Poppins’ side of the story. DMX rarely makes an appearance, unless we’re trying to be charming and “real”. We’re all guilty of it. But one thing I was most surprised about when becoming a mom, and more specifically a stay-at-home-mom, was that yes, I would have good days and not-so-good days and bad days and terrible days…But I wasn’t quite prepared for the sometimes instantaneous switch that can occur during an point during the day. Here’s why:
- Too little sleep (mostly applies to the mom but the toddler and baby too);
- Too much sleep (HAHAHAHAHA-fellow parents-remember this? It’s still a thing that happens to people!);
- Breakfast is not made quick enough (or it’s not the right breakfast, or it’s not on the right color plate, or it’s not enough, or it’s too much, or it’s too hot, or it’s too cold, or it’s gross, or it’s not coated in sugar…you get the idea. Also-repeat for lunch and dinner…and snack time);
- The toys are not pretending like you want them to pretend (those damn inanimate objects just DON’T LISTEN, guys. I wonder what that’s like? Sounds frustrating…)
- “What’s this?” as M touches every piece of fruit in the fruit bowl, knowing very well what each and every one of them is but wants to see if we’ll say “Oh buddy this is a peach! Silly us, have you never had a peach, darling? Here let’s try one!” Produce is expensive kid, don’t get crazy!
- “What’s this?” , pointing to every thing on every page of the book while reading a nap time story AKA delaying nap time;
- Tantrums because…BECAUSE. There are no logical reasons for tantrums. They will happen whenever and wherever and you are never prepared.
- Plus One million and infinity more reasons…
But then there’s also this:
- Big belly laughs and bear hugs (bonus points if this happens simultaneously, which it does a lot!);
- “I love you so much, mama!”;
- “Thanks for dinner, mama.”;
- Clean dinner plates + clean kitchen floor=full bellies;
- “Mom can you come cuddle me?”;
- “I love you so much, mama!” (Because there is nothing sweeter…);
- Little arms wrapped around your neck, falling asleep after a long day or just because;
- Singing the clean up song when asked to clean up instead of throwing a tantrum or getting more toys out;
- Always wanting to hold my arm when close by…(the sweetest little comfort thing M does…sometimes annoying. Most of the time, amazingly adorable);
- “We are kind!” (after M does something to earn him some more noodles in his noodle jar”
- “Yet’s get some more noodles!” (After M thinks he’s done something to earn him more noodles…so cute and hilarious);
- Watching out the window for Daddy;
- Unprompted hugs for his little brother or pups or mom and dad;
- Big baby smiles from the little one;
- Baby giggles;
- “Hey mom? Can you come wipe my butt!?” (It’s just so funny to me);
- “Just toots!” M always says this when he toots because he knows we’re going to ask if he needs to use the potty so he likes to get ahead of us…again…freaking hilarious and cute.
- “Mom! Mom! Come yook…a yizard!”
- Walking in the room and seeing your big kid doing tummy time with your little kid;
- Baby is crying, mama is busy, and toddler runs to sing the alphabet or Twinkle Little Star to calm him down…I can’t even!
- Waking up to a noisy baby, going in to get him and seeing a great big smile…like, “Hey mama! There you are!”…no babe, there YOU are.
- M hitting a line drive in the backyard (he’s like really good at baseball, y’all), and going “Woa, mom did you see that?!”;
- Plus One million and infinity more reasons….
All of these things can and will happen any day, at any given moment. And we, hormonal, postpartum, warrior mama-bears, manage every single minute with as much patience and grace as we can muster. Sometimes it’s not much, but other times it is. Sometimes we feel like we’ve failed and other times we feel like we’ve changed the world. That is so emotionally exhausting isn’t it? To go from one feeling to the next so quickly and so often? It’s a side of motherhood I don’t think is discussed very often but it is so extraordinary to me. Sometimes I have to fake it and try so hard to make those cute baby sounds and other times there is literally nothing else I’d rather be doing then making up ridiculous noises to make my sweet boys smile. We talk about how incredible our bodies are (they are!) for going through pregnancy and growing these little babies, but our brains and our hearts are pretty dang strong and amazing as well. I’ve cried on days when I think I’ve yelled too much and I’ve cried on days that I think went so great that I wish I could take a snapshot and carry it in my pocket forever.
The struggle is so real, and so frequent. But the beautiful moments exist too, even if we don’t see them right away.