I need to start this post by saying that I adore my husband. He loves me and our family so much and he loves us good. He works incredibly hard for our family and still finds the time and energy to fill up our cups from his own. He’s not, however, the partner who comes home with flowers every week or offer to cook dinner when I’ve had a rough day. He’s the guy who will bring home wine and/or ice cream and pick up a couple of pizzas! I used to think he somehow loved me less because he didn’t bring me flowers or slave over the kitchen stove for 2 hours to cook me a delicious meal. Well, a couple of things here, I would prefer to pick out my own flowers, and the sweet man cannot cook to save a life (love you, hon!). And ice cream and pizza is definitely the way to my heart…so it just took me a minute to realize he actually was speaking my love language rather fluently!
He also does one thing, almost daily, that means SO much to me.
He texts, “Hey, how’s the day goin’?”.
That’s it…5 words. But it means the world to me and here’s why.
We’re both working
It acknowledges that I am working too, and he understands that. It seems obvious but I’ve been a part of many ‘mom groups’ with women lamenting about how their spouses truly think they just stay home, take naps, and eat junk food and watch netflix all day (where can I sign up for this, though?). Never mind the fact that the house is always cleaned, fridge stocked, and kids are fed, semi-clean and happy, right? But just by asking “how’s the day goin’?”, he gets that I may be having a busy day of never ending picking up toys, messes, bodily fluids and/or babies crying. He understands that I have the potential to be stressed out by my “job”, too. I so appreciate this. I appreciate this very clearn acknowledgement that what I do is also work…and some days it is pretty damn hard.
Help is coming
It also gives me the opportunity to sometimes say, “You know what? It’s not that great of a day and here’s why”…without feeling like I’m complaining. And then he typically replies with something that tells me that help is on the way. Fortunately he is the guy that will come home with arms open willing and ready to help however I need. Sometimes that just means entertaining our boys so I can cook (which I LOVE) in peace, while jamming to Celine Dion radio on Pandora. “Cause I’m your laaaaaaaaaady…and you are my maaaaaaan…!” M now likes to pretends his play kitchen utensils are microphones too…the imagination on that kid, I’m tellin’ ya 😉
Family on the mind
This short little message also tells me that amidst his busy day, he still makes time to not only think about his family but to check-in as well. It tells me that he actually cares how the day is going. It tells me that he genuinely wants to help if help is necessary-even if that means just letting me spew off a 5 paragraph long text about how wonderful or how difficult this mommin’ thing can be. Because some days I reply with “Today is so GREAT. We are having so much fun and I’m so happy to be home with these sweet boys”. But some days it’s more like, “Horrible. M has had 5 tantrums, 3 accidents, and C won’t nap or let me set him down”. Because such is life. Either way, he cares.
He is also so quick to let me know that I am doing a really good job and to remind me that some days will be harder then others but that our boys are lucky to have me home. Some days I need a reminder-we all do. Mom groups are great and affirmative, of course, as are our real-life mommy friends but when our partners not only recognize how hard we work but then also vocalize their support and appreciation for our mommyhood…it is life-giving, motivating, refreshing, and it just makes me smile.
This is not a post to say “I have the best husband in the world!” Because, quite simply, I don’t. I have the best partner for me and our family. He knows us and how to love us best and he does. I don’t need flowers every day…I just need that check-in. I need the recognition that my job is important and it’s hard, and beautiful, and challenging, and stressful. I need to know that I’m not alone in this and that, although sometimes the hours pass slowly and the days can be long, my partner is here too and he cares and is engaged in our parenting journey.
All of this certainly did not just happen as soon as we had children. You can think you have the most compatible partner for you…and then you have kids! We’ve come to understand that it is a learning process and we are constantly finding out so much about ourselves, not only as a mom and dad, but as individuals as well as partners in this crazy life we’re living.
How do your partners show you support, whether you are a SAHM or a working mom? I’d love to hear!