When I first began flirting with the idea of starting a blog I asked myself why? What is it that I have to say that others might want to read? I realize that there are a million amaaaazing mommy blogs and lifestyle blogs out there so was I looking to set myself apart or just add to the conversation? I guess my answer would be a little bit of both. I really wanted to help normalize some of the crazy emotions that come with being a mom, and a new mom of two, while documenting my transition into becoming a stay-at-home-mom. I also wanted to make sure that I remained true to my social worker spirit-it’s something I’m very proud and protective of.
All that being said, one day before this little blog of mine came to be, I was having kind of a rough day. So I grabbed my phone and started a new note (this was before the bullet journal). With tears forming, here is what I typed:
- constantly feeling like I need validation from other moms/comparing myself
- always worrying I’m not doing it right/not doing enough
- feeling bad about screen time
- feeling lazy
- loving them so much it hurts/makes me emotional
- feeling crazy
I don’t really know why I felt the need to jot this down. It was just an overwhelming moment where I felt like I wasn’t sure exactly what these emotions were but if I had to put them in words here’s what they’d be. Like if someone had asked me in that exact moment how I was doing then I’d reply with the above. And then I’d likely never talk to that person again, HA!
But this is motherhood isn’t it? I mean it’s a constant battle of comparisons and tears and little failures and big successes and everything in between. Goodness, it’s beautiful but it’s hard.
Now with pregnancy and the postpartum period come really intense and real emotions that, as we’ve heard/read about lately, can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. I’ve been very fortunate to not have experienced Postpartum Depression but I’ve still had really intense moments where I have just felt like I’m not enough. Regardless of what I’ve done that day, how many times I’ve given hugs and kisses or said ‘I love you’…sometimes it just doesn’t feel like enough. Or I’ve wandered onto social media and have literally been brought to tears by other “seemingly” perfect instagram accounts or facebook photo albums of perfect moms and there perfect babes. And this comparison extends far after the postpartum period, I’m not sure we ever really outgrow it. I think a lot of that is because we just want our babies to be good. To be healthy, to be successful, to just be good people. So we look to others to compare and make sure we’re not screwing up entirely. But we’re not. I mean in all honesty if I’m able to do one load of laundry and keep my kids happy, I’m not lazy, I’m a good mom. My teachers used to say in school that it was much harder to fail then to pass. I think parenting is similar…these babies are born and they make us fall so deep in love with them so fast that our entire world changes. This unconditional love is what keeps us from failing. And it’s really the only thing that matters, anyway.
Us mommas are doing really important work. And we’re doing this in an age of social media where our every move is critiqued and analyzed by the nightly newscaster: “After the commercial, why what you’re feeding your children for dinner is going to kill them!”. Media and society makes it 10x more hard but we’re doing it and we’re doing a damn good job. Because every single one of us tunes in for that news special to make sure the answer isn’t exactly what we just fed our children. Because love, y’all.
I started writing down some daily affirmations and motivational words lately (which I recommend to everyone!) and one of my favorites has been: I am enough, I have enough, I do enough.
So if I could just add to the conversation Mommas: You are enough, you have enough, you do enough. Mother on, warriors.