Mommyhood

hello mom: a letter to my big kid

mason-jack-1-day-old

M-The concept of time is something I certainly do not understand. I cannot comprehend how it is that you are 2 years old when just yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital, nervous as could be to drive 5 miles home with our new precious cargo. Those days were the scariest and most amazing days we had ever experienced. How is that we could have created something so beautiful? Everyone said how my heart would be transformed but nothing can ever truly prepare you for that.

I am however sure of a few things since you’ve come into this world:

I’ve never laughed like I have with and because of you these past two years. The way you refer to yourself in the third person or while you are quietly playing with chalk, say to yourself, “No eat chalk”. Or how you somehow memorized the Farmers Insurance jingle and think it’s the funniest thing in the world, especially when mommy and daddy sing it. Or how when I was changing your diaper the other day you stopped me and urgently said, “Waaaait. Yet me toot fust!” AKA Wait let me toot first, and then proceeded to toot in my face. It was miserable, but it was hilarious and we laughed hysterically together.

I’ve never known fear like I’ve known it since you were born. I swear the first cold you got scared me so much I was crying for days. How is it possible that I can’t protect you from everything? That thought makes me crazy.

I’ve never known LOVE like the kind of love you’ve shown me. The kind of love that physically makes my heart hurt. Not in a bad way, necessarily. But almost like I have so much love in my heart for you it’s bursting at the seams. But at the same time it’s like you are a piece of my heart running around on the outside like the wild boy you are and I’m frantically following after you making sure you/WE don’t get hurt.

hello-mom
When you were born I become something I didn’t know I was supposed to be. “Hello Mom”. 

You’ve taught me how to love better. How to love strangers better, how to love your daddy better, how to love my family better. Just love better. And bigger-because everyone deserves to be loved as big and best as possible.

You’ve made me a better mom. I’ve learned so much from you these past two years. Patience. Oh my goodness patience. No one truly knows the meaning of that word unless they have a child…a toddler to be more exact. I’ve learned to slow down and just listen. You are so smart and so kind and you have so much to offer to this world and I want to hear about all of it from your little mouth. Because of you, I’ll be a better momma to your little brother.

You’ve taught me to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. When you say, “hey mom look at this!” or “See that?” or “Check this out!”-I know that to you, whatever it is-is the coolest thing in the world in that moment. Whether it’s the 7th airplane we’ve seen that day or a bunny in our backyard or a turtle on our walk…it is awesome to you, so it is awesome to me and it always will be, kid.

You have just made me a better person. I love who I am because of you. Because I am your mom. I hope I make you as proud as you have made me in just 2 short years. I truly cannot wait to see where this life takes you, little man. I love you more than words will ever be able to define. Your sweet kisses for your baby brother, the way you wake up and say “I missed you momma!” and give me a great big hug, or the way you run to me when you fall down. These are the moments that I live for.

Be kind, my sweet boy. Be brave. And be love.

mason-and-chalk

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